God is at the Helm

I had the opportunity to speak in Sacrament meeting today.  I've decided that when I and mine do that I would like to record our thoughts in this chronicle to share:  

Sometimes God calms the storm. Other times, he calms the sailor. And sometimes he makes us swim. Anonymous

God is at the helm.

Elder M. Russel Ballard spoke in the last General Conference about the good ship Zion.  It was a wonderful, inspiring talk that set me thinking.  Now, I’ll share with you why I Iove teaching the ll and 12 year olds.  They ask great questions.  One of them asked what the word Zion meant, at this point I realize I have to find a balance between answering all of their questions and keeping the lesson on course, so we defined the word for the purposes of our lesson which was as the city of Enoch, but the word Zion is also defined in the (D&C 97:21) as the “pure in heart” and in the Oxford Dictionary it is defined as the kingdom of God or the church.  Whichever definition we are looking at, Elder Ballard reminded us eloquently that “God is at the helm”. God is in charge of directing the building up of His kingdom. 

  I am tempted to say that it is too big a job for one person but the reality is that if he could create the earth then flood it, part the red sea, destroy Babylon, and hear all of our prayers all of the time He probably has the power to take the helm and direct it where he wants it to go.  The problem with that plan is that he would need to take our agency from us to do that and that would negate the purpose of the plan of salvation. So, if you have a really large ship full of sailors, all of them seeking the right direction and individually responsible for where they end up.  Add to this that many of them are inexperienced and impulsive,  what would you need for them to have in order to guide them safely into harbor? Watchmen.

Ezekial 63:  The Lord tells Ezekial...

2 Son of man, speak to the children of thy people, and say unto them, When I bring the sword upon a land, if the people of the land take a man of their coasts, and set him for their watchman:

3 If when he seeth the sword come upon the land, he blow the trumpet, and warn the people;

4 Then whosoever heareth the sound of the trumpet, and taketh not warning; if the sword come, and take him away, his blood shall be upon his own head.

7 So thou, O son of man, I have set thee a watchman unto the house of Israel; therefore thou shalt hear the word at my mouth, and warn them from me.

Elder Ballard said “make no mistake about it; the lord directs His Church through living prophets and apostles.”  

How grateful I am for the prophets, both ancient and present day who have dedicated their lives to the service of God and the building of His kingdom.

And what do they warn us to do? In the last conference, a few of the admonitions that inspired me were to read the scriptures, to be worthy of the temple, to serve others, to honor mothers and women, and to keep the sabbath and always, always to make Jesus Christ the center of your life.  If I choose only one of these challenges at a time to focus on how much more joyful will my life be?  

What if I do those things?  If I read the scriptures I will find the answers to questions I need, I have been promised protection from the adversary for doing that one simple thing.  If I serve others I build  friendships, bolster families, and even help  myself as I recognize my strengths through service. When I honor the mothers and women in my life and around the world I feel an amazing connection with the sisterhood we belong to.  I can’t begin to express the amount of love I’ve received from the Relief Society, the things I’ve learned and opportunities that have been realized. And when I live a Christ centered life I can count on being able to find peace even when the storms rage.

Still, the prophets and apostles are men and  they are on the good ship Zion, holding on for dear life, just as we are.  We are all here to make a few (or in my case a lot of) mistakes and to learn from those.  Our prophets and apostles are not perfect.  My grandmother’s brother was a general authority.  My father’s memory of him is that he was a “fire and brimstone” kind of guy.   As may have happened to some of you, I have sometimes disagreed with or wondered about  decisions made by our leaders (so far, not the prophets) but I hope I never criticize.  My job is to use my agency and my right to personal revelation to find understanding. Then to forgive and forget any mistakes and humbly accept direction from the Lord through his watchmen.

Remember that service as a leader in the Church of Jesus Christ even though it comes with  a powerful priesthood authority (the same authority that created the earth and parted the seas) is not about dominion. 

Moses 1:39 

39 For behold, this is my work and my glory--to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man.

The good ship Zion is for those who are pure in heart and unified of purpose.  These gentle men who serve the Lord by lighting our way do it for the glory of god – to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man.

I testify that Thomas S. Monson is a prophet of God.  He is called to lead us in our time through the challenges as well as the joys that are unique to this dispensation.  I am grateful for him and his counselors and apostles as watchmen.  I’m grateful for their wisdom and love as they use the Lord’s will to select the leaders I will encounter directly.  I am grateful for our stake presidencies and bishoprics for their service and dedication on my behalf.

And I say this in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen

Crossroads

Over the 56 years of my life I've faced many crossroads.  Sometimes I've chosen well and other times I've learned from making distinctly poor choices.  In recent weeks I've reached yet another crossroads in my life and have come to recognize something about my own process in these challenges.  First, when the goal I am working toward is something I really want I can be determined (read: stubborn) to the point of self destruction about not giving up.  I can rationalize that I, "haven't worked hard enough, haven't tried long enough, or haven't tried every option"  I look back at the struggle and see every effort toward progress I made that didn't pan out and I tell myself I've made "mistakes" and if I could only keep trying long enough to not make those mistakes everything would be great. Next, when I finally hit the wall (read crash and burn) I spend a great deal of time beating myself up about not making it.  My first marriage was this kind of an experience.  Out of respect for the dead I will not chronicle the details here except to say that he was a loving, sweet and funny guy who had an illness far too damaging for either of us to cope with.  I lasted 11 years in that marriage.  When I looked back at the experience I beat myself up for a long time for not making different choices about it.  But from that marriage I gained some of my most precious spiritual gifts.  I learned to understand people who are not able to be rational at that moment.  He was the one diligently seeking to find the true church of Jesus Christ and he invited the missionaries into our home.  I responded badly to that invitation and it was because of Dan I continued to hear their message.  I learned the truth of the gospel because he wanted so much to know it.  Without that relationship I may never have known the joy of belonging to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. From that marriage I was also blessed with 3 of the most beautiful, smartest, and most loving children ever given to a parent.  I firmly believe that each challenge we meet and learn from is followed by a blessing that matches the scope of the sorrow you endured with an equal portion of joy.  My second marriage is such a relationship.  Monte is the epitome of common sense and rational behavior.  He is my reward. (Makes me wonder why he is saddled with me but it's not my problem ;-)

Other crossroads have been when I was working on my bachelor's degree I had decided that I wanted to be a Child Life Specialist and I threw my whole heart into that- serving a 3 month unpaid internship.  I spent long hours translating medical procedures into Spanish that could (hopefully) be understood by Spanish only speaking children so that they could be prepared for the precedure and reduce the trauma.  It turned out the hospital setting was not really a good fit for me.  I was so sad and convinced myself that I hadn't managed to gain any marketable skills (duh!) 

I went to work in an elementary school and discovered that working with children was my gift.  The Lord had been aiming me at teaching since I joined the church.  I had served many teaching positions with both children and adults but always found myself returning to teaching children.  I also spent the next 15 years working with elementary children, obtaining degrees in teaching at the elementary & middle school levels and in special education.

Now I've reached yet another crossroads.  My special education license is working with emotionally and behaviorally disabled students which is what I have done for the last 10 years but I have hit the wall now.  The burnout rate is high in my profession and it is now my turn.  I am taking a medical leave of absence to figure out that part of my crash and burn has been to feel that I have failed.  I failed my students, my husband, and myself.  It has taken me a full month to clear the fugue enough to recognize that 10 years of teaching represents a success not a failure.  It is just time to choose my next path.  Now that the clouds are clearing I remember that the Lord guided me to where I needed to be on multiple occasions.  If I keep my promises to Him he will prepare a way.

Pouting and Potato Salad

     I had a craving for potato salad on Saturday and boiled some eggs and potatoes with that goal in mind.  Then I got distracted with something else and my husband indicated he wanted to have the famous pork and beef roast (an Oelkers family favorite) for dinner on Sunday.  This means boiled potatoes, or mashed, and gravy which then leaves potato salad sort of extraneous.  My mother in law, Anna, came to dinner on Sunday.  Anna, of course, noticed the boiled potatoes sitting on my counter and offered to help me make the potato salad.  I am not proud to say it but I didn't respond to this offer with the gratitude I should have.  Then I felt bad and it took me a full hour to work through what the problem was.  

     What I realized after pouting about the potato salad for awhile is that potato salad is one of those recipes that everyone makes a little differently and it becomes a staple for family get togethers.  This means that it is one of those recipes that evokes pleasant memories.  What I had done was play with the pictures for awhile, particularly ones of family get togethers that included my Grandmother Anna and I'd started to think about the potato salad she used to make.  I don't have her actual recipe but, over the years, I've developed my own including some of the things I remember about hers.  She always put sour cream in her potato salad, red onions, and (I think) dill pickles.  Anyway,  that is the way I like it.  So, when she offered to "help" make potato salad I got all defensive like I'd have to make her recipe if she was making it.

     Anna Mae makes great potato salad. I like it almost as much as I like my own - but not better.  What I do know is that her family likes her potato salad enough to sometimes make less than diplomatic comments about any potato salad that is not hers.  This is me learning not to be distressed by that.  My recipe (my grandmother's) is not less desirable than Anna's it simply does not evoke the same nostalgic emotional response in the hearts of her loyal children.  Once I had worked my way through that realization I also came to be aware that I am hoping to preserve some of these nostalgic feelings through pictures, stories, and recipes.  While I trecked around the country gathering pictures and stories I also gathered some favorite family recipes.  I am in posession of my Great Grandmother Dorcas' recipes for banana bread, danish dumplings, aebleskivers, raisin filled cookies, etc.  I am also in posession of several of the Oelkers family's beloved recipes as well, and nowww I also have Anna Mae's potato salad recipe.  We made her recipe together and I wrote it down (because, of course, her comment was "I don't have a recipe")  I will share because it truly is a good potato salad recipe.  AND because I love the Oelkers family.  Someday in the near future, maybe, I will make my recipe and share it in like manner.  - By the way, if any of my cousins are reading this and you DO have Grandma's potato salad recipe please share.  

Here goes (keeping in mind that the amounts are approximate):

4 pounds boiled red potates - peeled and diced

10 to 12 boiled eggs - chopped

4 medium scallions (green onions) minced fine - not too much of the green please ;-)

2 stalks celery - chopped small

Dressing:

3 c. mayo

2.5+ tablespoons mustard

2 teaspoons salt 

½ teaspoon black pepper

Thank you Anna Mae, the potato salad is delicious and we made a memory making it together.  THAT is what family is about.

It All Comes Around

Years ago, when I worked for a school age day care, I had gone to some trouble to organize an activity around investigating their family history. One young man scathingly responded, "Those people are dead. Why do I care about this?"  I remember struggling to articulate the connection and curiosity I feel about my ancestors. Why do I care?  

My son, Bill, came to visit today and brought his children with him. We spent hours chatting about children, schools, computers, pickles, and egg cake (go figure) but finally came around to sharing some of the photos I gathered in my travels.  I was struck anew at how often we said "Look how much he/she looks like . . ." and "I remember when we . . ."  We noted that my grand daughter has the same crooked smile found on the faces of 2 of her grandmothers.  My father's elementary school class pictures proved that the mid-forehead hair swoop found on my own head and that of all of my children was my dad's hair swoop first.  

And, most tellingly, a draw toward creativity/artistry runs strongly through our lineage.  My father is an artist, his mother and her sister were artists. Whether that desire toward creativity comes from each generation sharing their own interests with the next or from a genetic predisposition, I believe there is undeniably a genetic componenet to true talent such as my Grandmother and her sister passed along to my father and he passed it to his son, my brother.   The point is, as the love comes back around and one generation spends that precious time with the next, we pass along that which we love.  A visit to my Grandfather Jensen's house would have meant a fish fry and time in the garden.  That was what he loved.  A visit to my father's house for my children would have meant paint or clay or drawing tools were likely to make an appearance.

Today, when my grandchildren came to visit my first thought was for us to create something (I'm not an artist)  We made a fairy garden!  I was reminded of the art projects my Grandmother Va and I had created at this lovely glass table - this table that was passed down to my father, just like that love of creating beautiful things.

My Pioneer Trek Day 20, 21 & 22 Homeward Bound

Friday, August 7, 2015

We drove all day. Beautiful country in Colorado then South Dakota farmland.  We passed fields of sunflowers so big I couldn't see the end of them.  The photos I took do not do them justice. The best part was just touring with my sweetheart, pointing at the sights and chatting about whatever.  Before becoming empty nesters, I had assumed we would have LOTS of time together once the children were independent.  This is not really the case.  Yes, we have more than we did when we had children to care for (and taxi around) but the fact remains that work and callings and day to day life demands that we have our separate tasks and interests.  This is one of our blessings because it provides us with more to share when we do have the time together.  We drove all day - and into the night stopping at Custer, SD.

Saturday, August 8, 2015

Crazy Horse Memorial:  my traveler tip.  Be sure to watch the video.  It almost put me off because it began with a review of the promises that were broken by the US government to the Native American people.  But it is the truth, and the point of the memorial is not about broken promises but about building a place to educate and celebrate Native American people and cultures.  Don't miss it.

Mount Rushmore.  I have only been here once before but was not feeling well and didn't remember much about it - 20+ years ago!  Amazing.

Wall Drug: Not for lunch though ;-)

And, finally, 4,627 miles (395 hours of travel time) and 2500 family photos/ 8.5 hours of recorded family stories later . . . 

 

Home Sweet Home!!

My Pioneer Trek Day 19

Thursday, August 6, 2015

We packed up and dropped Gunnar off at the airport.  It was fun to take him to the gate and watch him manage the process pretty much on is own. The airline requires that minors be accompanied so I had an excuse to see him off.  After that, Monte and I went to see my Aunt Billie Ann.  She has had some serious health concerns but is on the mend.  It was so much fun to visit with her.

Next, we headed for Grand Junction, CO where we hoped to meet up with our daughter Brenda and her husband and children.  As it turned out, she was off in Washington helping fight fires.  However, in Price we passed a sign advertising a dinosaur museum.  I said "that looks like fun" and Monte headed off the road!!  He is humoring me and I love it.  This was a very cool museum.

We were able to meet Derek and Xavey and Daevius for dinner in Grand Junction.  It was a fun meal.  Then we had ice cream after.  I discovered that Cold Stone Creamery has HUGE servings.  I'm sure glad I didn't order the large!!  I really wish I'd taken pictures of Derek and the kids but I didn't.  We still built a memory - I hope.

My Pioneer Trek Day 18 - One Reunion and One Wedding

Wednesday, August 5, 2015

Gunnar and I picked Monte up at the airport.  Then we went to lunch at the slowest fast food joint in the city.  The burgers were delicious but we waited more than 30 minutes for them!  After 2 weeks apart, I am really happy to see my sweet husband.  He has been completely supportive about this vacation/info gathering jaunt.  Some husbands would have complained.  He just wishes me well, checks on my well being, and expresses excitement about what I'm doing.  I hope my sweet niece, Jesse, has done as well for herself.  

In the afternoon, we attended the wedding of Jesse & Frank.  They are so cute together and so right for each other.  I hope they will always be as happy as they looked today!

Russ and Jesse Draper.  Notice down front.  Jesse's mother (the photo) is in her place as well.

Diane Jensen, Birdell Draper, Reed Jensen

Jesse and Frank Whitmore

The Fae attended as well.  They are the 3 fairies in white!

My Pioneer Trek Day 16 & 17

Monday, August 3, 2015

I had the blessing of spending some quality time with my nephew Gunnar.  We left Lake Tahoe, headed for Salt Lake City, at 6:30 A.M.  I have to note that I am one of those people who prefers to get up early and get going and am sometimes impatient when others react negatively to this expectation.  Some of my children will attest to this flaw in my character.  Gunnar is a typical teenager.  He likes to sleep.  He was, however, ready and chipper at 6 AM.  There was none of the surliness I have sometimes experienced with teens expected to be awake in the early morning.  We rolled out, stopped at Safeway for junk food and drinks and by the time we got to Carson Gunnar had gone back to sleep!  ;-)  It was, in my opinion, the best of both worlds.  We got to spend time together, I got to listen to a book on tape and Gunnar was happy.  He did wake up after lunch (where we had a conversation about baseball) to watch some "The Big Bang Theory" on the DVD player.

 We went to the Texas Roadhouse for dinner.  Gunnar was pretty happy with his food!  I ordered my favorite fried pickles - so everybody was happy.

 Tuesday, August 4, 2015

My niece's wedding was scheduled for Wednesday but she and her fiance had arranged a get together at Lagoon for their observance of a bachelor/ette party.  I dropped Gunnar off at the gate, handed him over to the care of his cousins, and went shopping...  Yay!!  Everybody got their way again.  I like this plan.  Around 7 PM Gunnar texted me that he was ready to come home.  He had all of this stuff in his arms when I picked him up.  Looks like he had fun!  My only thought was how in heck are you going to get all that stuff into your tiny suitcase to get on a plane.  "Oh ye of little faith!"  He even managed to get the basketball into the suitcase!  

Pioneer Trek Day 14 & 15

    Beautiful, beautiful Lake Tahoe.  I have had an incredible stay here.  I will be packing up and heading back to Salt Lake City tomorrow morning.

My brother, Billy, has taken some time off to spend with me.  He dragged out every photo in the place, including framed ones, which I disassembled for the cause.  I have rediscovered my own childhood and reconnected with the childhoods experienced by my siblings.  My sister in law, owner of Lavish Floral, has been constructing beautiful flower arrangements nonstop for 3 days but did take time out for the tragic dog attack.

Wyatt (the dog) was minding his own business in the backyard and two big German shepherds dug their way in and attacked him.  Poor baby.  He keeps walking around doing his best to look pitiful and showing everyone his wound.

Mom has been my resident history expert.  She knows who everyone is and can usually share a story or two about that person.

After staring at my computer screen for 2 days solid I got a craving for Swedish meatballs (Monte's family recipe).  I also used my great grandmother's recipe to make some banana bread.  Yum!

One of the pictures I encountered is this one of my daughter Brenda.  Brenda is standing in the house we lived in on Bell Street in Winnemucca.  She had a favorite joke.  She would ask "Do you belong to the stomach club?"  Then when you answered "no" she would grin  big and hold out her hand and say, "Then turn in your belly button!!"


Sunday, Day 15 - Sacrament Meeting
I attended Sacrament meeting at the South Tahoe Chapel. Over the past 35 years since my baptism into the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints I have attended meetings in many different wards. What I find, as a truly shy person, is that I can always feel comfortable and welcome.  One of the things our leaders and our beliefs teach us often is the infinite value of of each person and the importance of helping visitors feel welcome.  This was (and was not) the case on this day.  First, the routines are familiar, someone standing in the foyer greeting people, prelude music playing, agendas.  This was the first Sunday of the month which is traditionally reserved as a Fast and Testimony meeting.  What this means is the we abstain from food and water for 2 meals before this meeting (a fast) dedicating that observance for a specific cause. So, I came in and found the routines familiar and the faces friendly.  Many people smiled and greeted me with a "good morning" but no one introduced themselves as would be usual when someone is a visitor.  I was expecting a small ward, even a branch maybe, but the chapel filled to overflowing and the doors to the cultural hall had to be opened to accommodate the overflow.  By the time the service started the cultural hall was half full.  I sat wondering if this was a missionary farewell or some other special event for this ward, but my confusion was all cleared up when the first counselor started the meeting.  He welcomed all visitors noting that looking out over the audience he estimated that at least 80% of the assembled were visitors! Wow!!  The greatest part of this small experience was the affirmation that membership in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints can bring strangers together in fellowship without tension or discomfort but also that dedication to the covenants we have made with our Savior (the promise and necessity of partaking of the Sacrament) is not suspended for vacation time - being there was a pleasure not a duty or obligation.