Mothers

In the picture from left to right - My mom, Brenda, Anna, Me at Brenda's wedding in August '07

Today's lesson at church was about motherhood, the importance of, and the blessings thereof. As I read the thoughts of this little community of bloggers I recognize a recurring theme. Being a mother is a tough, often thankless, task with amazing rewards that sneak up on you. Case in point. My daughter, Anna, turned 30 on the 16th of this month. I was unable to reach her on that day and (airhead that I am) it was several days before we actually spoke. Now a daughter's 30th birthday seems like grounds for a something splashy but as I'm in Minnesota and she is in Utah that didn't happen so I had succumbed to the ultimate maternal right and had convinced myself that I'm a terrible mother. (Bring on the guilt.) My children have turned out miraculously well in the face of the many mistakes I made, and I wouldn't blame Anna if she didn't want to talk to me. HMM. I have GOT to stop talking to myself. That little internal voice just isn't kind. Well, when I did connect with Anna we had such a lovely conversation. She is so busy with her life and so many positive things happening. Anna works hard. She is a program director at a treatment center for adolescents. She is assisting on a research project at the University of Utah. She volunteers at a free clinic for homeless women, and she is the family touchstone (meaning she's the one looking out for my mother and her siblings). Anyway, during our conversation she thanked me (yea that's right) for teaching her so many things. Ladies, this is my expression of hope to you - especially those with teenagers. Your teenagers WILL grow up to realize how often your parenting was right and a real expression of love. Okay, more about my terrific kids later.

As I pondered the motherhood question I had some reflections I'd like to share. Things my mother taught me. My mother always said "It's the squeaky wheel that gets the grease!" Contrary to the unstated taboo against "complaining" this is a truly essential life skill. My experience has been that it is truly rare for anything to be just handed out. If one wants something to happen one has to go out and seek it. I have always been a shy person. It is hard for me to ask for help, but some of the things I have managed to accomplish in life are due to my mother's lesson. Sometimes I have just refused to take no for an answer. She has always treated me as if she believes I am capable of doing anything I set out to. This is a really empowering attitude and I'm grateful she taught me this. This lesson was reinforced by my sweet grandmother's oft repeated "Can't is a coward and hasn't tried!" This "momism" rattles around my teacher brain on a regular basis. Despite my husband's conviction that I'm simply stubborn I get my determination from the women who raised me. There's no cowardice them.. I hope there is none in me.