Auntie Flo

Okay, this is fair warning. I need to rant and this will not be a subject my husband is going to "get". I'm not shy about it but consider yourself warned. This post is about my Auntie Flo. If you do not know who Auntie Flo is or if conversation about that unwelcome relative falls under the heading of TMI (too much info) STOP READING NOW. I'm going to begin with a baby boomer check. Does anyone remember the episode of "All In the Family" where Edith Bunker forgot to stuff the turkey at Thanksgiving because she was so upset that Auntie Flo would no longer be visiting? She was convinced she was "no longer a woman". Not so this woman. For the past 2 years Auntie Flo's visits have been either vicious and unending or non existent, unpredictable ... yada yada. Last year she was so unpredictable that I carried an emergency change of clothing "just in case" in my car. The doctor assured me this was normal and a precurser to that "dear lady's" final demise. I was ecstatic! Auntie Flo has not visited since the beginning of last August and I was really thinking our relationship was at an end. Mother nature is a witch with a sense of humor - she's laughing at me. Today I as I was getting ready for work I thought, "Well I know it's past September but I'd really like to wear those cream colored pants today so I can wear this sweater with it - it's cold outside after all" Then I went on my merry way. Guess who came to visit all in a rush as I was standing in front of a room full of 1st graders! I made a dash for the bathroom, fending off people along the way who wanted to "talk" about this or that. Usually the teacher's bathroom has an emergency box of pads for teachers to dip into in a pinch. It was there - empty. Okay, ask the nurse. She provides emergency supplies for the occasional 5th grade girl but, of course, what she had to address my plight was for when Auntie Flo is a gentle little thing - it didn't hold out too long. As soon as I was finished with my groups I headed for Target. (Remember it takes the better part of an hour for me to drive home) I bought the first pair of black jeans I could find and a bag of "emergency" pads to keep in my car. By the time I got to my afternoon school my britches looked like the opening scenes of a CSI episode. I ran into the building and straight to the bathroom with my coat on and clutching my Target bag in front of me. Nothing is quite such a relief as getting cleaned up after an episode like this. Today, I'm especially grateful for Super Target and credit cards. Auntie Flo is NOT a welcome visitor in my house and I think I know who is to blame. As I was leaving my afternoon school to come home today I counted no less than FOUR pregnant teachers. Cute little moms with their round tummies-phahh!! The estrogen is probably floating around in the air messing up my ban on Auntie Flo.