Glorious Summer!

  I have been far too focused on myself this summer but it feels wonderful.  I have given myself permission to finish only one or two items from my "to do" list each day.  Monte and I drove to Texas together for Marshall and Andrea Oelkers' wedding reception.  I enjoyed the drive but Monte does not like to let me drive so I don't think he had much fun.  It tended to hurt my feelings but then as previously noted I recognize that I have been far too sensitive lately so I choose not to feel that way about it.  I enjoyed it. I came home with a sore throat that developed into a doozy of a chest cold and I have been trying to hack up a lung all week.  I was really cranky with my sweet mother in law when she came to my house to try to help with our 4th of July party.  All I could think was how much I didn't want her to get sick and how the assignments for food had been made so people would have whatever they had.  In the end, her help was wonderful, as always, and made the day a nicer day for everyone.  I was too sick to participate in the party so I laid in bed listening to the party taking place outside.  A couple of people took their chances and came in to give me a hug but I still felt pretty sorry for myself.
  I'm getting ready now for my Family History Trek!  I bought a portable scanner and have been scanning lots of pics so that I won't waste time getting something I already had in a box.  I've booked rooms and read some of the histories I've already collected but put off reading.  One note to myself and any of my children who might decide to read this.  I have the life history written by James Monsen who is my Grandmother Anna's grandfather.  It is a little scattered to read but it is awesome in the history that is recorded in those pages.  I'm loving it - I am planning to blog about the stories he has recorded.  You, reader, can find those entries in my "Tell Me a Smith Family Story" blog.  I also have been reading the LeCheminant book that contains memories recorded from the LeCheminant descendants.  Info from those sketches will be in the "Tell Me a Jensen Family Story" blog.  I'll note that I don't intend to scan and paste the pages of these histories into a blog.  I will be posting pics and documents to FamilySearch.org but I want to record the histories from my own perspective and emotional connection.  Anyway, the long awaited trip is getting closer and I'm really excited.

Sunshine

As the thunder rolls outside, I reviewed my progress this week and found that I have made some advances even as I did some backsliding.  At some point I will talk about my job and the love hate relationship I have with it but at this point I'm feeling a need to chronicle my journey back to being the person I want to be.  I have begun with a morning prayer, by myself and on my knees followed by a chapter from the Book of Mormon.  It sounds more "righteous" than it is.  I hit my knees as I slide out of bed, plead for motivation even as I recognize the amazing gifts I've been given, and then listen to the chapter of the book of Mormon as I fix a breakfast I don't want to eat.  It's progress though.  May is here, the sunshine has made the Minnesota world a lovely green place and that sunshine and new growth is creeping into other areas of my life as well.

Today was fast Sunday, a day when we abstain from food and drink for 24 hours.  I didn't quite make it.  I skipped 2 meals ;-0 Still hearing the testimonies in Sacrament meeting and reviewing my own as I taught my students about the power of the priesthood

So here is what is happening lately in the Monte & Jan Oelkers "Odd" yssey. 
1. My sweet sister, Brenda Draper, died in January.  I miss her, my heart is broken and her loss has demonstrated to me that life is too short.  Knowing how often in the last few years I "didn't have time" to call her when I wanted to because of my job or trying to finish my thesis or whatever else I let be a priority just makes me feel angry - not helpful.

2.  My Son, Bill, and his beautiful wife, Stephanie, and their children, Ben and Elodie, were sealed in the St. Paul Temple for time and all eternity the day after I returned from Brenda's funeral. It fills me with joy to know this.  I am so proud of them all.

3. My sweet Mother in Law fell off a step ladder on the first day of spring break and broke her arm.  I am grateful that I was able to be available to help her.  It has strengthened out relationship.  I hate to think of a broken arm as a blessing but there it is.  She is currently on the mend.  I was able to go fabric shopping with her yesterday and we had lunch at Acapulco.  There's that ray of sunshine again.

3.  I am planning to spend as much of the summer as I can in Utah and Nevada (Lake Tahoe).  I want to gather photos and family stories before I am too late to do it.

There is SO much more.  One step at a time.

Tender Mercies

Today I am grateful for my calling in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.  I have been struggling, once again, with feelings of inadequacy, hopelessness, resentment - yadayadayada.  In short, I believe, I'm going through another depressive episode.  I could recount the many reasons, some of them valid but I won't. It doesn't help.  I teach the 11 year olds and our lesson today was on keeping the Sabbath day holy.  Then the youth speaker during Sacrament meeting was also about keeping the Sabbath.  What touched me, and struck a nerve, was that the Sabbath is intended to be a delight and a renewal.  It isn't just a rest and recreation day but a day to re-invent myself in the Lord's pattern for me.  I don't have to be in charge.  I tell myself so often that I don't have time.  I don't have enough time to do the paperwork and lesson planning I should for my job.  I don't have time to clean and organize my life the way I'd like, and I don't have time to reach out to people the way I'd like.  Yet people continue to forgive me for being unavailable, distant, and sorry for myself. 

I came home from church today and opened the Seminary teacher's manual for studying the book of Mormon.  The lesson on the first chapter in the Book of Mormon talked about tender mercies.  Nephi lived at a difficult time, he and his family were warned of the coming destruction of Jerusalem and father Lehi faithfully attempted to warn others.  The whole family was scorned and persecuted for that, but Nephi saw Lehi's dream and the family's subsequent relocation to be a "a tender mercy".  He said "I, Nephi, will show unto you that the tender mercies of the Lord are over all those whom he hath chosen, because of their faith, to make them mighty even unto the power of deliverance." 1 Nephi 1:20

I am in the process of being delivered from my depression by the tender mercies of my Savior and I am grateful.