God is at the Helm

I had the opportunity to speak in Sacrament meeting today.  I've decided that when I and mine do that I would like to record our thoughts in this chronicle to share:  

Sometimes God calms the storm. Other times, he calms the sailor. And sometimes he makes us swim. Anonymous

God is at the helm.

Elder M. Russel Ballard spoke in the last General Conference about the good ship Zion.  It was a wonderful, inspiring talk that set me thinking.  Now, I’ll share with you why I Iove teaching the ll and 12 year olds.  They ask great questions.  One of them asked what the word Zion meant, at this point I realize I have to find a balance between answering all of their questions and keeping the lesson on course, so we defined the word for the purposes of our lesson which was as the city of Enoch, but the word Zion is also defined in the (D&C 97:21) as the “pure in heart” and in the Oxford Dictionary it is defined as the kingdom of God or the church.  Whichever definition we are looking at, Elder Ballard reminded us eloquently that “God is at the helm”. God is in charge of directing the building up of His kingdom. 

  I am tempted to say that it is too big a job for one person but the reality is that if he could create the earth then flood it, part the red sea, destroy Babylon, and hear all of our prayers all of the time He probably has the power to take the helm and direct it where he wants it to go.  The problem with that plan is that he would need to take our agency from us to do that and that would negate the purpose of the plan of salvation. So, if you have a really large ship full of sailors, all of them seeking the right direction and individually responsible for where they end up.  Add to this that many of them are inexperienced and impulsive,  what would you need for them to have in order to guide them safely into harbor? Watchmen.

Ezekial 63:  The Lord tells Ezekial...

2 Son of man, speak to the children of thy people, and say unto them, When I bring the sword upon a land, if the people of the land take a man of their coasts, and set him for their watchman:

3 If when he seeth the sword come upon the land, he blow the trumpet, and warn the people;

4 Then whosoever heareth the sound of the trumpet, and taketh not warning; if the sword come, and take him away, his blood shall be upon his own head.

7 So thou, O son of man, I have set thee a watchman unto the house of Israel; therefore thou shalt hear the word at my mouth, and warn them from me.

Elder Ballard said “make no mistake about it; the lord directs His Church through living prophets and apostles.”  

How grateful I am for the prophets, both ancient and present day who have dedicated their lives to the service of God and the building of His kingdom.

And what do they warn us to do? In the last conference, a few of the admonitions that inspired me were to read the scriptures, to be worthy of the temple, to serve others, to honor mothers and women, and to keep the sabbath and always, always to make Jesus Christ the center of your life.  If I choose only one of these challenges at a time to focus on how much more joyful will my life be?  

What if I do those things?  If I read the scriptures I will find the answers to questions I need, I have been promised protection from the adversary for doing that one simple thing.  If I serve others I build  friendships, bolster families, and even help  myself as I recognize my strengths through service. When I honor the mothers and women in my life and around the world I feel an amazing connection with the sisterhood we belong to.  I can’t begin to express the amount of love I’ve received from the Relief Society, the things I’ve learned and opportunities that have been realized. And when I live a Christ centered life I can count on being able to find peace even when the storms rage.

Still, the prophets and apostles are men and  they are on the good ship Zion, holding on for dear life, just as we are.  We are all here to make a few (or in my case a lot of) mistakes and to learn from those.  Our prophets and apostles are not perfect.  My grandmother’s brother was a general authority.  My father’s memory of him is that he was a “fire and brimstone” kind of guy.   As may have happened to some of you, I have sometimes disagreed with or wondered about  decisions made by our leaders (so far, not the prophets) but I hope I never criticize.  My job is to use my agency and my right to personal revelation to find understanding. Then to forgive and forget any mistakes and humbly accept direction from the Lord through his watchmen.

Remember that service as a leader in the Church of Jesus Christ even though it comes with  a powerful priesthood authority (the same authority that created the earth and parted the seas) is not about dominion. 

Moses 1:39 

39 For behold, this is my work and my glory--to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man.

The good ship Zion is for those who are pure in heart and unified of purpose.  These gentle men who serve the Lord by lighting our way do it for the glory of god – to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man.

I testify that Thomas S. Monson is a prophet of God.  He is called to lead us in our time through the challenges as well as the joys that are unique to this dispensation.  I am grateful for him and his counselors and apostles as watchmen.  I’m grateful for their wisdom and love as they use the Lord’s will to select the leaders I will encounter directly.  I am grateful for our stake presidencies and bishoprics for their service and dedication on my behalf.

And I say this in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen

Crossroads

Over the 56 years of my life I've faced many crossroads.  Sometimes I've chosen well and other times I've learned from making distinctly poor choices.  In recent weeks I've reached yet another crossroads in my life and have come to recognize something about my own process in these challenges.  First, when the goal I am working toward is something I really want I can be determined (read: stubborn) to the point of self destruction about not giving up.  I can rationalize that I, "haven't worked hard enough, haven't tried long enough, or haven't tried every option"  I look back at the struggle and see every effort toward progress I made that didn't pan out and I tell myself I've made "mistakes" and if I could only keep trying long enough to not make those mistakes everything would be great. Next, when I finally hit the wall (read crash and burn) I spend a great deal of time beating myself up about not making it.  My first marriage was this kind of an experience.  Out of respect for the dead I will not chronicle the details here except to say that he was a loving, sweet and funny guy who had an illness far too damaging for either of us to cope with.  I lasted 11 years in that marriage.  When I looked back at the experience I beat myself up for a long time for not making different choices about it.  But from that marriage I gained some of my most precious spiritual gifts.  I learned to understand people who are not able to be rational at that moment.  He was the one diligently seeking to find the true church of Jesus Christ and he invited the missionaries into our home.  I responded badly to that invitation and it was because of Dan I continued to hear their message.  I learned the truth of the gospel because he wanted so much to know it.  Without that relationship I may never have known the joy of belonging to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. From that marriage I was also blessed with 3 of the most beautiful, smartest, and most loving children ever given to a parent.  I firmly believe that each challenge we meet and learn from is followed by a blessing that matches the scope of the sorrow you endured with an equal portion of joy.  My second marriage is such a relationship.  Monte is the epitome of common sense and rational behavior.  He is my reward. (Makes me wonder why he is saddled with me but it's not my problem ;-)

Other crossroads have been when I was working on my bachelor's degree I had decided that I wanted to be a Child Life Specialist and I threw my whole heart into that- serving a 3 month unpaid internship.  I spent long hours translating medical procedures into Spanish that could (hopefully) be understood by Spanish only speaking children so that they could be prepared for the precedure and reduce the trauma.  It turned out the hospital setting was not really a good fit for me.  I was so sad and convinced myself that I hadn't managed to gain any marketable skills (duh!) 

I went to work in an elementary school and discovered that working with children was my gift.  The Lord had been aiming me at teaching since I joined the church.  I had served many teaching positions with both children and adults but always found myself returning to teaching children.  I also spent the next 15 years working with elementary children, obtaining degrees in teaching at the elementary & middle school levels and in special education.

Now I've reached yet another crossroads.  My special education license is working with emotionally and behaviorally disabled students which is what I have done for the last 10 years but I have hit the wall now.  The burnout rate is high in my profession and it is now my turn.  I am taking a medical leave of absence to figure out that part of my crash and burn has been to feel that I have failed.  I failed my students, my husband, and myself.  It has taken me a full month to clear the fugue enough to recognize that 10 years of teaching represents a success not a failure.  It is just time to choose my next path.  Now that the clouds are clearing I remember that the Lord guided me to where I needed to be on multiple occasions.  If I keep my promises to Him he will prepare a way.

Pouting and Potato Salad

     I had a craving for potato salad on Saturday and boiled some eggs and potatoes with that goal in mind.  Then I got distracted with something else and my husband indicated he wanted to have the famous pork and beef roast (an Oelkers family favorite) for dinner on Sunday.  This means boiled potatoes, or mashed, and gravy which then leaves potato salad sort of extraneous.  My mother in law, Anna, came to dinner on Sunday.  Anna, of course, noticed the boiled potatoes sitting on my counter and offered to help me make the potato salad.  I am not proud to say it but I didn't respond to this offer with the gratitude I should have.  Then I felt bad and it took me a full hour to work through what the problem was.  

     What I realized after pouting about the potato salad for awhile is that potato salad is one of those recipes that everyone makes a little differently and it becomes a staple for family get togethers.  This means that it is one of those recipes that evokes pleasant memories.  What I had done was play with the pictures for awhile, particularly ones of family get togethers that included my Grandmother Anna and I'd started to think about the potato salad she used to make.  I don't have her actual recipe but, over the years, I've developed my own including some of the things I remember about hers.  She always put sour cream in her potato salad, red onions, and (I think) dill pickles.  Anyway,  that is the way I like it.  So, when she offered to "help" make potato salad I got all defensive like I'd have to make her recipe if she was making it.

     Anna Mae makes great potato salad. I like it almost as much as I like my own - but not better.  What I do know is that her family likes her potato salad enough to sometimes make less than diplomatic comments about any potato salad that is not hers.  This is me learning not to be distressed by that.  My recipe (my grandmother's) is not less desirable than Anna's it simply does not evoke the same nostalgic emotional response in the hearts of her loyal children.  Once I had worked my way through that realization I also came to be aware that I am hoping to preserve some of these nostalgic feelings through pictures, stories, and recipes.  While I trecked around the country gathering pictures and stories I also gathered some favorite family recipes.  I am in posession of my Great Grandmother Dorcas' recipes for banana bread, danish dumplings, aebleskivers, raisin filled cookies, etc.  I am also in posession of several of the Oelkers family's beloved recipes as well, and nowww I also have Anna Mae's potato salad recipe.  We made her recipe together and I wrote it down (because, of course, her comment was "I don't have a recipe")  I will share because it truly is a good potato salad recipe.  AND because I love the Oelkers family.  Someday in the near future, maybe, I will make my recipe and share it in like manner.  - By the way, if any of my cousins are reading this and you DO have Grandma's potato salad recipe please share.  

Here goes (keeping in mind that the amounts are approximate):

4 pounds boiled red potates - peeled and diced

10 to 12 boiled eggs - chopped

4 medium scallions (green onions) minced fine - not too much of the green please ;-)

2 stalks celery - chopped small

Dressing:

3 c. mayo

2.5+ tablespoons mustard

2 teaspoons salt 

½ teaspoon black pepper

Thank you Anna Mae, the potato salad is delicious and we made a memory making it together.  THAT is what family is about.