A Christlike Attribute

I spoke at church today.  I attend the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.  It is part of our routine for members of the congregation to be invited to speak and provided with a general topic.  The following text is the t talk I gave today.

In Matt. 11:29 the Savior says “Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me, for I am meek and lowly in heart and ye shall find rest unto your souls”.

My assignment is to speak about a Christlike attribute and given Elder Bednar’s talk from the April General Conference Titled Meek and Lowly of Heart. So, it seems that of the many attributes the Savior exemplified, meekness is today’s topic.  It might possibly top the list. 

So, what is meekness?  A world view might equate meekness with weakness, or lack of confidence.  It might be thought of as apathy. He entreated us to “take his yoke upon ourselves”.  This imagery intrigues me.  A yoke is a beam of wood carved to fit across the shoulders of two beasts of burden – usually oxen or possibly horses. It binds the two animals together.  Are we to think of ourselves as beasts of burden?  Are we to see the Savior’s “yoke” as something to bind us and restrain us?  What else does a yoke do?  I looked it up.  Individually an ox can pull its own weight between 1500 and 3000 pounds.  Two oxen yoked together who work in tandem can pull up to 13000 pounds.  So, with the Savior as my yokemate I can manage tasks that would otherwise be insurmountable. 

He also says “take up my yoke and learn of me”.  An inexperienced ox yoked to an experienced one will learn from that guidance and association.  A weak animal can be strengthened by being yoked to a strong one.  If you think about it, can you think of a more humbling, sacred, experience than to be bound in such a way that you walk side by side with Jesus Christ?

So, again, what is meekness?  It is being willing to do the work without insisting that I have the control.  It is working beside the Lord or any of his servants in a spirit of cooperation.  Picture what happens if you yoke two mules together and they each want to drive the wagon.

Elder Bednar said that meekness is characterized by: 1) righteous responsiveness, 2) willing submissiveness, and 3) strong self restraint.  Elder Bednar relates the following story from the Book of Mormon.  Moroni was the captain of the Nephite armies who were besieged.  He wrote multiple letters home – to Pahoran asking/pleading for support for his troops but the support does not come.  Finally, in frustration he sends a letter to Pahoran condemning him and the other government leaders as slothful, neglectful, and uncaring.  Promising dire retribution from the Lord.

It turned out that Pahoran had been forced to flee into the land of Gideon taking as many men as he could, leaving Zarahemla under Lamanite occupation.  Pahoran was not in any position to assist Moroni’s army.  I can just picture Pahoran in temporary living quarters, possibly wounded, surely having lost nearly everything including people he cared about, receiving this letter of censure.  If it were me, I’m afraid my temper would get the better of me.  But Pahoran says this:

Alma 62:9 And now, in your epistle you have censured me, but it mattereth not; I am not angry, but do rejoice in the greatness of your heart. I, Pahoran, do not seek for power, save only to retain my judgment-seat that I may preserve the rights and the liberty of my people. My soul standeth fast in that liberty in the which God hath made us free.

Let’s check his response for meekness:

1.      Righteous responsiveness – does he tell Moroni to take a long walk off a short pier?  In fact, it seems pretty righteous to me that he was able to respond at all.” No, Pahoran “rejoices” in Moroni’s “greatness of heart”.  He doesn’t think "I will just forgive him for all his faults", he sees and recognizes Moroni’s strength.  He takes the time and has the wisdom to know where the passionate pleas were coming from.  It is easy to dismiss people when they are in the wrong and go off feeling smug that you were the right one.  It is far more difficult to recognize and empathize with a person’s intent even when they are wrong.

2.     Willing submissiveness – Pahoran isn’t lamenting his loss of status or power.  He doesn’t “seek for power” just to be able to protect and serve his people.

3.     Strong self restraint – well, nuff said.  I think that one speaks for itself.

Jesus referred to himself as “lowly of heart”.  Sometimes the language in the scriptures just confuses the heck out of me.  Why on earth would I want to be “lowly of heart” And just what does that mean anyway.

In a general conference talk from 2007, Bruce D. Porter of the Seventy said of being lowly of heart: “Those who have a broken heart and a contrite spirit are willing to do anything and everything that God asks of them.” I contend that to be “lowly of heart” is to be humble and teachable.  I’m a teacher.  It is my job to teach those students who react to the world with anger and distrust.  Many of my students don’t believe in themselves or anyone else.  It is a kind of hopeless, helpless pride that destroys all efforts at learning and the only way to get past it is to firmly and lovingly gain control of the student’s environment to make it an undeniably safe place.  It would be fair to say that the metaphor of the yoke applies once again.  I need to be that student’s partner, guide and advocate so that they can be safe enough to let their broken hearts show.  Then the contrite spirit follows and the learning begins.

Preach my Gospel

Humility is willingness to submit to the will of the Lord and to give the Lord the honor for what is accomplished. It includes gratitude for His blessings and acknowledgment of your constant need for His divine help. Humility is not a sign of weakness; it is a sign of spiritual strength. When you humbly trust Him and acknowledge His power and mercy, you can have the assurance that His commandments are for your good. You are confident that you can do whatever the Lord requires of you if you rely on Him. You are also willing to trust His chosen servants and follow their counsel. Humility will help you as you strive to be obedient, to work hard, and to serve selflessly.

Okay, if we take up his yoke and are meek and humble what then?  I love the way the Savior always gives a promise along with his admonition.  If we follow the word of wisdom we will be able to “run and not be weary and walk and not faint.”  If we “do always remember him” we will “have his spirit to be with us” And, as the quote says, if we take up his yoke, in a spirit of meekness and humility, we “shall find rest unto our souls”.  Hmm.  Do I want “rest unto my soul?”  and when does that happen?  Is it a description of my eternal reward after death or is it a promise for some time sooner? 

President Joseph F. Smith said: “To my mind, it means entering into the knowledge and love of God, having faith in his purpose and in his plan, to such an extent that we know we are right, and that we are not hunting for something else, we are not disturbed by every wind of doctrine, or by the cunning and craftiness of men who lie in wait to deceive. We know of the doctrine that it is of God, and we do not ask any questions of anybody about it; they are welcome to their opinions, to their ideas and to their vagaries. The man who has reached that degree of faith in God that all doubt and fear have been cast from him, he has entered into ‘God’s rest’”

See, my theory on the plan of salvation is that this earth is a training ground.  We are here to learn the skills (or attributes) of the Savior and become like him and each time we gain one of those skills we also reap the benefits from those skills immediately.  If we gain and become adept at approaching life’s challenges in meekness we will be comforted and calm in the face of them.  Sometimes the Lord calms the sea but sometimes he calms the sailor.  I couldn’t find where that quote came from but I may have to have it tattooed somewhere to remind me to partake of God’s rest.

In closing, I bear witness the Savior knows about and cares about all of our challenges.  He wants to guide us, he has invited us to walk beside Him to learn his methods and feel his love.

#52 Stories - FAIL

First
Attempt
In
Learning

The question posed is "What role has failure played in your efforts to achieve your goals?

I'm no stranger to failure and can easily attest to the value of tearing down a thing so that what is subsequently built back up is stronger.  When I was a senior in high school I went to school for one class (Civics) and then drove from Lake Tahoe to Reno (actually Sparks) to go to the Prater Way School of Cosmetology.  I did this every day until graduation.  After I completed the courses I worked in the beauty shop at the MGM Grand until Anna was born. Then we moved to Winnemucca, NV.  I worked first at Judy's and then at the Scissors' Palace, and last at a shop whose name I can't recall.  I left Judy's when Brenda was born, I left the Scissors' Palace because I was not making enough money to pay for the gas to get there, and I left the last one because I couldn't get along with the owner.  It is tempting to roll out all of the reasons and wherefores but the bottom line is that I really didn't succeed at cosmetology. I had a number of other jobs over the years to keep the bills paid.  They weren't intended to move me closer to my goals, just to keep the wolf from the door.  I tried a number of ways to supplement the money I made, cake decorating, sewing, ironing, delivering balloons.  I could add a few dollars but not make a living.

Lesson #1 - I am not a salesperson.  I could have made lots more money as a hairdresser (cosmetologist) if I had been able to sell my services and the shop products to people.  I had the skill - there were never any complaints about the work I did but it was not enough.

After we moved to American Fork I got serious about wanting to go back to school.  I applied at BYU and was rejected so I went to Utah Valley Community College for one semester. Then my husband died and the kids and I moved to Sandy, Ut.  I enrolled in the University of Utah majoring in Psychology.  My original goal was to become a psychologist (requires a PhD.)  I got good grades and in the meantime changed my goal to Social Work.  So I applied to the School of Social Work.  I was denied.  After that I decided to become a Child Life Specialist.  I finished a dual degree in Psychology and  Human Development and Family Studies with a 3.84 GPA. Then I began an unpaid internship at the Primary Children's Hospital.  It was really a struggle for me.  I am a shy person.  This job required me to work with many, many different professionals as well as children who were critically, sometimes fatally, ill.  I wasn't good at it and I was asked to leave.  This failure broke my heart.  I did LOTS of praying after this experience because I had sincerely loved working with the children. By this time I had remarried and was again active in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. One of the great blessings of the church is the opportunity to serve in callings that give you experience in a variety of areas.  I served in many teaching capacities.  As I served in the Primary (children ages 3 to 12)  people said to me "You are so good with the children.  You should become a teacher."  I always responded, "No, I don't want to do that".  I went to work part time in a drug and alcohol treatment center for adolescents.  Nope, that particular place wasn't my niche either.  Then I worked for United Cerebral Palsy (and I delivered pizza in the evenings).  I caught some flack about U of U graduates becoming pizza delivery drivers but I loved the work with the families and children of UCP.

In February of 1999 I moved to Minnesota.  I went to work for Adventures Plus, a school age day care program run by the Community Education branch of Anoka Hennepin School District.  That worked for awhile, until it didn't.  Again, I enjoyed the kids.  I ended up working as a paraprofessional at Hamilton Elementary in North Minneapolis.  I loved it, but the teachers there encouraged me to get my teaching license. 

Lesson #2 - It is often necessary to refine my goals.  Sometimes it is necessary to completely redefine my goals.  Sometimes it is necessary to get out of my own way and listen to the message the Lord is sending me and let him direct my goals.  At age 40 I had finally figured out what I wanted to be when I grew up.  My joy is to teach. (Duh!)

Minnesota has stiff requirements to get a teaching license.  The number of courses I needed to complete to qualify for a teaching license was enough to get me a master's degree in education.  I completed the courses at Saint Mary's for a teaching degree in education and was licensed to teach Kindergarten through 8th grade with a language arts focus for middle school.  These courses were completed in the evenings while I continued to work at Hamilton.  When it came time to student teach I was loathe to give up my job at Hamilton so I could student teach for 6 weeks full time without pay.  I proposed a plan to my supervisor at Saint Mary's where I would spend part of my day at Hamilton student teaching.  It required me to devise a schedule to cover the necessary time and competencies for the course. This needed to be approved by supervisors in both settings.  It was an unprecedented approach to student teaching.  I'm still proud of the assertiveness it required for me to propose and complete such a plan.

Lesson #3 - I learned problem solving and perseverance. It is always necessary to explore options. Being told no is neither scary nor shaming.

At that time, it was difficult to find a job as a new teacher. The baby boomers who were expected to begin retiring had lost ground in their retirement plans because of the "economic downturn".  So they kept working.  The Minneapolis School district was downsizing to the tune of $90 million dollars.  Hamilton hired me to teach Kindergarten for a year and then the school was closed.   I went to the job fairs and applied for dozens of jobs in more than 7 school districts.  I was trying to avoid AH11 because I had left Adventures Plus in failure mode. Finally I admitted defeat and applied to the largest school district in the state for a job.  What I quickly learned was that special education teachers were getting hired.  

I went back to school. (See lesson #2 - He wasn't done with me yet) I was hired as a special education teacher to work half time at Madison Elementary and half time at Morris Bye Elementary on a licensure variance while I completed my teaching license in special education with an Emotional Behaviors Disorders (EBD) focus.  Again, this was enough coursework to qualify me for a second masters.  I declined to finish the final piece for the masters at either school because I was afraid it would price me out of the running as a second year teacher. The principal at Madison Elementary was Cindy Hitt.  I thought she was a control freak but (thank the Lord) I was mature enough by then to try to learn from her controlling ways.  I learned a lot from Cindy Hitt and she became a mentor and a friend.  I also gained two more of my closest friends, Amy Franke and Laura Voorhees.  Both of these ladies went out of their way to help me succeed.

Lesson #4 - Allow people to help.  (I still struggle with this one)

 Once I went to work, I was too busy to finish the thesis required for my masters. I worked at Madison Elementary until 2012. For 3 of those years I was the Special Education department lead for the building.  A new principal and a new department lead at Madison marked the time for me to move on.  Morris Bye also had a new principal and needed an EBD centerbase teacher.  Centerbase (CB) classes are setting III.  This means that the students spend 60% or more of their time in the CB classroom apart  from their non-disabled peers.  I spent 4 years in this setting.  It was hard.  I could go on and on about how difficult this setting was but that is not the focus of this entry.  In the end, I failed in a spectacular way.  I had a full emotional breakdown.  I was suicidal and afraid I would hurt one of the children.  I could not stop crying.  I took a medical leave of absence and got some counseling.  I discovered what real friendship is at this point.  My friends rallied around, we had lunch dates and chats on the phone.  One friend swooped in and taught my primary lesson (with about 10 min. notice) because I had a meltdown at church.  My friends who are teachers or administrators gave me good advice and I received help from the teachers' union.  It was the absolute hardest thing I've ever done and that is saying something (but that's another story).  When I was ready to return to work, the doctor did not release me to go back to the setting III.  The district tried to say that this meant I was disabled and I would need to go on full disability at 70% of my salary.  After conferring with the union the district agreed to allow me to sub until the end of the year and then apply during the in-house application window to find a new job.  The only way they would agree to this was with the caveat that if I failed to find another job I would have to leave the district.  It was a horrible time.  

Lesson #5 - Everybody has limits.

During the job application window my mother was put in hospice care at my brother's house in Lake Tahoe.  She died a few weeks later. My father had multiple surgeries for cancer, and I broke my ankle. In the meantime I applied for more than 40 positions without a single response.  Some of my previous supervisors had heard that I was subbing and had contacted me to do some long term subbing at schools they worked at.  The principal of the school where I was working in May had posted 3 positions so I applied for all of them and talked to him about my applications.  When 2 of the positions had filled from outside the district I went back to him to remind him I'd applied.  The teachers I was working with expressed the hope that I'd be returning.  He did not respond to me but I received a call from the district that morning informing me that my application had been blocked at the district level.  No one had seen any of my applications. The union had my back, though, and I had our agreements documented.  It took a whole summer of wrangling, hand wringing, praying, and waiting but I was finally placed in Mississippi Elementary school as a resource teacher.  The staff at Mississippi have become my friends.  I'm happy there and am nearly back to my old self emotionally - older and much, much, wiser.

Lesson #6 - God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. Reinhold Niebuhr




I know it seems like a dangerous thing to say outloud but I am grateful for my failures and my challenges.  I have faith that my Father in Heaven has a plan for me and that my Savior will help me get there if I am willing to do my part. 

#52 Stories - I can do it myself.

Before the course

My mother told me that my first full sentence was "I can do it myself".  This week's question asks me to relate something I taught myself to do.  There are a number of crafts, etc. that I have investigated and used books or the internet to teach myself to do them.  I can't in honesty say I am good at many of them but I find joy in the learning process.  When I get inspired by something I dive in.  But I digress.

One of the things I basically learned on my own is how to decorate cakes.  When my children were small I wanted to create wonderful, memorable cakes for their birthdays.  I loved to bake and wanted to create beautiful things.  As I mentioned, when I am inspired by something I tend to dive in.  We lived in Winnemucca, NV. at the time.  For the uninformed about western geography, Winnemucca is a smallish town in the middle of Nevada - a solid 200 miles from any dot on the map most people might have heard of.  We didn't have a Michael's or any other place to take lessons but I did pick up a Wilton cake decorating magazine somewhere.  I don't remember where at this point. The magazine offered a correspondence course in cake decorating!  I had so much fun!  One memorable practice cake I made was for one of our weekly game nights with the Browns.  They came to our house to play cards, or Risk, or something of the kind (awesome memories).  I think the cake looked pretty good but I had experimented with a cooked frosting recipe.  When we went to cut it I actually had to break through the frosting to get to the cake - it was distinctly rocklike! HA!  I've gathered up a few of my early efforts.

Brenda's 5th birthday cake.  This was the "final exam" for the course.

After that I started doing cakes for people who asked me to. When we moved to Utah I worked in a bakery in American Fork, then in a bakery in Smith's decorating cakes.  After moving to Minnesota I was invited to teach Wilton cake decorating at one of the Michael's stores.  It was lots of fun.

Here are a few of my more recent efforts: